Resources

Bulletins - Coaching Conscious Living

Current Issue

Coaching Industry Information

Articles

Do you Need a Life Coach? by Gloria Chang, MochaSofa, May 31, 2002 www.mochasofa.com

Finding a Fresh Perspective by Mark Borkowski and Sherif Alaily, CMA Management, Dec/Jan 2002

Give Your Life a Makeover by Linda Barnard, Canadian Living Magazine, May 2002

Tuning Up Your Life by Karen Wright, Chatelaine Magazine, November 2002

Life Coaching: You Call the Plays, by Tralee Pearce, The Globe and Mail, August 26, 2002

Julie in the Media

Women On The Move

SIMCOE COUNTY BUSINESS August 2001
Woman are starting up their own businesses and contributing to the country's economy.

Women On The Move (PDF)

Personal Power

Women With Vision August 2001
When we fail to take responsibility we give up our "personal power".

Personal Power (PDF)

Articles by Julie

Conscious Living: The Stress of Change

Often clients are motivated to seek coaching because of an uncomfortable or painful situation that may have resulted from a major life stress such as a divorce, a job loss or a death. This leads to a conversation regarding our beliefs and what we make it mean about us on a personal level.

It is normal to be upset and struggle with losing the things we believed we could "count on." In a coaching session, we examine how these upsets relate to our core beliefs and feelings of self worth.

In the condensed conversation below my client and I were discussing her feelings about her pending divorce. She is struggling with her core beliefs about her self.

Client: "It has been over a year since he left. I am so tired of feeling down. I've got to try to get on with my life but I just can't seem to do that."

Coach: Let's go beyond the obvious distress of the divorce and determine exactly why you are upset. What do you think marriage gave you?"

Client: "Being married made me feel important, like I belonged and was loved."

Coach: "And now that your marriage has ended?"

Client: "Well, I do not feel loved. I feel unimportant and disregarded."

Coach: "It sounds like your importance and value as a person is collapsed with the marriage. How can you regain your sense of importance and value?."

Client: "By separating my value from being married, I can believe that I am valued, important, am loved and belong no matter what my marital status is."

Coach: "Can that become a firm truth for you?"

Client: "Yes, it can. I still have value, I am still belong, and I am important and am loved by people! I am just not married. They could be very separate things."

It can be incredibly painful when we are faced with life altering events like divorce, with our self worth collapsing along with the marriage. Identifying our personal issues can calm us and help us to reclaim our power. The discovery of the real issue gives us the ability to take back control. As this client did, you can separate your self worth from a divorce, or other stressful situations in your life. Of course, it is natural to be upset when a major relationship ends, but it is another matter to feel devalued as a human being. My clients have found it much easier to deal with a divorce, once they have separated the event from their self-worth.

Self Growth Work for the Reader: How did you handle the last stressful change in your life? Are there situations you avoid dealing with in order to maintain the status quo? What negative core beliefs have you developed because of an unwelcome change in your life?

Begin to identify your core beliefs and how to move past them. Call today for an introductory coaching conversation.

Conscious Living: Communicating Effectively

During some point in our lives, most of us experience instances when we are unable to communicate effectively. Often, when coaching clients, I work on developing their ability to communicate effectively. I define effective communication as an exchange, which achieved the desired results.

A client was experiencing conflict at work. First, we established what her "story" was regarding the situation. A "story" is the details that we create in our minds about another person or situation. She was convinced that her manager treated her differently because she is a woman and that he shows favoritism towards a co-worker in the office. My client could site several incidences that supported her story. This is a common cycle. We form an opinion, or a story, and then collect the evidence to support it. The payoff is that we get to be "right," which is a powerful need in itself.

Next, we dealt with what she gained and lost from being right. For coaching purposes, it is important to focus the losses we may experience around being "right." The losses always outweigh the benefits. Through self-reflection, my client realized that her losses were quite heavy. Her energy level was way down, she dreaded going to work, she was not enjoying her life in other areas, and she was losing business because of the situation.

To help her rectify her work situation, I asked her the following questions: "What are you committed to achieving?" And, "Is there a part of your story that you would be willing to give up?" She declared her commitment to a supportive and thriving workplace and decided that she would give up the notion that her boss treats her differently because she is a woman.

We developed the following plan to help her communicate effectively in a planned meeting with her manager.

1. Acknowledge your manager for something - this must be authentic. If you cannot think of something to acknowledge him for, you probably have not shifted from being right to a neutral position.
2. Verbalize your commitment to a supportive and thriving workplace.
3. Clean up the past by apologizing.
4. Make a request. She planned on requesting that they be able to talk openly about their relationship with the intent to make it more mutually supportive.

Another way we enhanced her communication skills was to tweak her terminology. Instead of saying to her boss, "You made me feel…" she could say, "What would work for me is…" By first concentrating on her owning her feelings and reactions, she became ready to apologize. Her attitude shifted from, "He treats me differently," to "I feel he treats me differently." This shift had to be internal, not just a change in terminology.

When working with clients, it is important that I look not at what is right and wrong, but at how they can effectively communicate based on the goal(s) they would like to achieve.

Food for thought: Do you have situation(s) in your life in which you feel you are right? Can you identify the losses you may be experiencing because you are right? The benefits? Is being right effective in getting to your desired goal? How well do you communicate?

If you want help answering these questions, call to book a complimentary coaching session. Begin discovering your authentic self today!